Saturday, April 27, 2013

Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

How are you? I miss you. My parents are being very mean and not giving me all the treats I can eat. I only got 1 all day today. Please come visit soon. And bring treats.

I didn't do it. Mom and Dad will tell you I did, but let me tell you my side of the story first. I really love Mommy and I was just trying to give her kisses. I didn't know if I jumped in her lap, her open can would fall off the laptop table and spill on the new couch and floor. So I jumped. And she got a little upset. Dad did too. I didn't mean it. I sulked around while Mom cleaned it up. Then I promised to be good, but kept on sulking. I'm too cute to be in trouble!

Please come rescue me soon (and bring treats)!


Monday, April 22, 2013

Couches and House Building

Hi friends!

Wow, what a great weekend. You might even say it was the best one ever! Well, really, it had its ups and downs, but Grandma likes when I call every weekend the best one ever and I love my grandma. She brings me treats.

Sometimes I snuggle with Pops the lion in the mornings

On Saturday my people got up and we did our usual morning routine. I knew something was up though because only Mom went on my morning W-A-L-K. We relaxed a bit on the couch, but then Mom went into the bedroom. I followed, but then she walked out and closed the door! The nerve! While I was shut away, the doorbell rang. I didn't make a peep though, so the people were super proud of me. Anyway, when the door finally opened, my couch was in a completely different place and there was a brand new one in its place. It took me all of 5 minutes to get fur all over it and lay down for my nap though.

The new couch

After my nap, my people sent me to jail the crate. Something about Habitat and building a house. Daddy got to play with a sledge hammer and Mommy got to organize tools, so I guess that means they had fun. I wanted to come too, but Mommy said that wasn't safe and they didn't have waivers for puppy dogs. Boo!

Anyway, Daddy was very sore Sunday, so we all just broke in the new couch with naps and cuddles. My idea of a perfect day.

Today, Mom shut me up in the bedroom AGAIN and the doorbell rang AGAIN and I didn't make a sound AGAIN. And when I got freed, my old couch was gone. Mom said Habitat people came and picked it up. I guess they're taking it to the house they built. I kinda miss it though. I took lots of good naps, snarfles, and pukes on it. Luckily, Mom was quick on the clean-up so it didn't stain and was donatable. But I like this couch too. Even if I can't quite figure out all the spaces between cushions.

But that's why it was still the best weekend ever!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Worst Day Ever

Hey friends,

Today was the WORST day ever! Mom woke up early and fed me breakfast (OK, that part wasn't so bad), but then she said, "Mister, let's got for a car ride!" OK, that part wasn't so bad either. But the car ride took me to an evil place: the V-E-T office. We were early, so I got to sniff around and that wasn't so bad either. I liked watching the cars drive past in front. Don't worry, Mom didn't let me get close.

I knew this visit was bad news because Mom actually made me get do step aerobics or whatever and the lady said, "19.1." I'm not sure what that meant, but Mom said I'm the worst yo-yo dieter. I don't know what that means either, but unless I can eat it, I don't really care.

I waited on Mommy's lap...not so patiently

The table of doom

We waited for a hundredty billion years and the V-E-T guy came in. Nothing good ever happens when he comes in. He ended up stabbing me and shooting me and shoved a stick up He touched me way too much, but I put up with it. He even got to actually hear my heart this time. Last time I was whining too loud.

He pronounced me healthy and then my mom just HAD to open her big mouth. She asked him to check my sitter glands. It wasn't pretty. Apparently I had nearly impacted sitter glands, so he had a hard time getting the gross stuff out and I DID. NOT. LIKE. IT. I feel much better now, but Mom better sleep with one eye open for a while, just in case!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Exercising your Human

Hi friends!

Today I wanted to talk about something very important: dog health. Ms. Peggy e-mailed me a while back saying today was FitDog Friday blog hop! I hoped my assistant would remember and she DID! Points for Mommy! Anyway, being fit is important. Ms. Peggy said "According to the 2012 National Pet Obesity Survey, more than 52% of our dogs are overweight or obese." That's a lot and I can't even count! The best way to stay fit is eating right and exercise. Exercise can be tough, but it's good for your human too. I've gathered some tips to help you exercise your human, and by extension, you!

Walking is always better with a cool bandana!
1. Start early. I mean early in the day of course. My daddy is up first and usually feeds me. I nap a bit before waking up Mom. If she doesn't get up when I think she should, I scratch at the bed to help motivate her. Sometimes humans need motivation.

Sometimes it's fun to walk somewhere not in your neighborhood!

2. Speaking of motivation, make sure they feel guilty for not walking you. You might try sad puppy dog eyes or a heavy sigh. I'm expert at both. I, however, usually employ the "I-only-poop-on-walks" trick. When I first came to live with Mom and Dad, I had bad separation anxiety. I pooped in my crate every time the people left me alone. I also refused to poop in the yard, so walks it was. I still won't poop in the yard unless I feel like it, so Mom gets nervous to leave me if I don't walk her.

3. Now that your human is up and motivated, jump around and bark and act like a loon. This helps your human know you appreciate their efforts.

Sometimes you see brides getting pictures taken on walks.

4. Wait for the door to open and to be released. Then run like mad to the first tree!

5. Make sure you stop for frequent breaks. Exercise is tough at first, especially for humans, so stop at every tree, give it a thorough sniff and pee on it. This gives your human a chance to catch their breath. Don't listen when they try to tell you to hurry up. Remember, the longer you are out exercising, the better!

Sniffing trees

6. Once everyone is home from that work place, jump around and bark and act like a loon again. This lets them know you would like your second walk. My second walk is always a short one, just around the block.

Be careful when walking in snow.
A coat can help in cold weather!

Exercising your human is tough and it might take some time before you figure out a good routine. Just remember, you love them and want them to be healthy and, bonus!, it's good for you too. But always be aware of temperatures and safety. I always walk with a harness and my collar. I also wear a coat when it's extremely cold. If there's snow on the ground, I let Mom take me on a shorter walk so my paws don't get too cold. Other dogs wear booties, but I wouldn't stand for that so Mom doesn't try. When it's extremely hot, bring water for your sniff breaks. Mom also shortens walks then, too. Usually she tries to go earlier in the day though, which works out since she has to be at that work place earlier in the summers.
It's important to exercise, even if you're a pot-bellied pig.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Work and Baths

Hi friends!

Wow! Today was the best day ever! Well, kinda, but I'll get to that.

I knew today would be different just because Mommy didn't do her normal "getting ready for work" routine. That theory got busted though because after my W-A-L-K, I got stuck in jail my crate. Just for a little bit an hour, so not bad. Plus, Mom said she got the Mister Taxi all ready to take me places! Yay! Then, Mommy and I rested on the couch. My favorite.

Little did I know, Mommy was plotting a grand adventure while we rested. She looked at me and said, "Mister, are you ready for an adventure?" I said, "Mommy, that's a silly question. I love adventures!" And we were off!

On the way to our first stop, there was a puppy dog in the car next to us making romantic, blechy, sweet eyes at me. I didn't notice though because my heart belongs to Mommy. Mommy noticed though and the other dog's mommy noticed and they both laughed.

Anyway, our first stop was my favorite place--the drive thru! Mommy ordered sixty twenty pounds of food. Then we were off again!

Our next stop was Daddy's work! I love working with Daddy. I'm pretty sure he sits around eating pretzels with peanut butter all day, but I have no evidence. Anyway, the ladies in his office all love me, of course. One even keeps treats in her desk for puppy dogs that may come visit! Of course, I conned charmed her into giving me one. I got lots of lovings and even some fries. Yum! We hung out with Daddy for a bit. Something about therapy and lowering his blood pressure when he's with people at work. Does that make me a therapy dog? Does that mean I can go everywhere with Mommy? Sign me up!

After Daddy had to go back to eating peanut butter covered pretzels, Mommy and I were off again! Of course, by now I was exhausted, but I perked up for a picture.

That guy is Mom's Squishy. He's my travel buddy.

We swung by the Bluegrass Barkery to get more food and Mommy snuck a bag of fresh treats onto the counter, too. We drove in circles for forever and ended up in some parking lot. We sat in the car for a millionty hundred seven hours and finally Mom opened the door. Rats! Our circles took us to the evil bath place. We walked around the store for a bit though and that was fun. I almost pottied on a Potty Patch, but Mommy said, "NO Mister! That's not for pottying." I looked at her like she was dumb. If the PetSmart people didn't want me pottying on it, maybe they shouldn't put it on the bottom shelf! Anyway, we finally went in to the torture chamber grooming room. I had my usual person. Mom likes her a lot and she always lies tells Mom I was so good. While I was getting tortured getting my delicious dog smell taken away clean, Mom probably ate peanut butter covered pretzels or something. 

Getting tortured my delicious dog smell taken away clean is exhausting.

Now I smell terrible, but Mom and Dad say I smell so yummy and "Mister, you are soooo soft." Whatever. I hate you now. Unless you have pretzels. Or fries. Or peanut butter.

Anyway, we had one last stop, but I had to stay in the car (don't worry pals, it was a cool, overcast day, so I didn't get warm at all). Mom came right back and we were finally home, on the couch, where we belong.

Wow! What a great adventure! That's why today was the best day ever!